|The training grounds:|
"GORDON!" barked the head coach through gritted teeth. "Gordon, come here I want you in front."The group made room for me to get to the head of the line and I jogged over still huffing and puffing and bent over from the weight of the sand-bag.
"Look at me," he said still leading the group through the sand. Despite my reluctance, I lifted my neck and shot him a wild look.
"You better wipe that pathetic look of weakness off your face," he growled. "One day you may have to hike a few miles - in full gear - to a suspect's house. If you knock down that door looking like you do now nobody will ever take you seriously. PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER!!"I was stunned. A never-ending stream of expletives streaked through my mind like a bullet train. I didn't respond but his fiery words tore through my torso and entered my rapid beating heart. I squeezed my eyes shut and put one foot in front of the other ignoring my own slow pace. I don't know if the excess energy came from his callous pep talk or simply because I was so pissed at him. It took me awhile to shake off the feeling but I continued on. I simply hated that my hard work was being ignored and after all I had done I was getting yelled at to do more. I wanted my back-breaking labor to be recognized not minimized.
Although, after the exercise I felt different. Endorphins flowed freely and feelings of wellbeing and accomplishment warmed me from underneath my damp clothing. After reflecting on all I had done in the past few hours I secretly felt grateful for his crass command. I was reminded that although I take pride in my independence I cannot self-generate motivation to the point where I can give it my best 100% of the time. I need a boost along the way, some inspiration to pick myself up when I simply cannot. I pushed myself to the brink of the cliff of capitulation and I needed a shock to shake me from my slumber. Something to rid my mind of pathetic thoughts of self-pity and drill through my head that I have what it takes to blast past the barriers that prevent me from accomplishing great things. I needed that reminder to believe in myself.
His reminder still rings in my ears to this day.